Is it mandatory that if it has a penis, it must confuse me?

I just don't understand dudes...I don't think I ever will. Today's post will cover a few odd things about why the things attached to peni (plural for penis) perplex me.

1. Why do they email you if they don't want to get together? I've had probably 6 guys in the last 6 months that email, call, get to know me, make plans and then cancel the day of and never actually get together. WTF is up with that? Guys - if you don't want to meet a girl - don't email her! (Yes Second Shift - I'm talking to you!)

2. How long do we have to email before meeting? I've had too many guys that go on the email wagon for weeks and then we finally meet and the chemistry isn't there and I feel like I wasted that time. Jobless is still emailing me and that's all going along fine...but there have been like 6 emails back and forth each way - let's meet already!

3. Do guys even look at the pictures they post? This guy might be really nice - but that hair?
Oye! I know - I'm a bitch - I'm not going to meet a guy because of his hair. But I don't want a flowbee in my home!

Any answers?

Why do guys take FOREVER?

A couple of months ago I met three guys within a couple of weeks - they all seemed to be promising at some level. From left to right: quiet guy, inappropriate guy and comic book guy.

This isn't meant to call any of them out - it's just a classification and a nickname to make this story easier to tell.

So quiet guy - met him at a bar - seemed nice - we chatted that evening and found each other shortly thereafter in the social media universe. He proceeded to contact me through said social media by responding to things I'd said, etc... for a few weeks. BUT never asked me out! I finally gave up!

Then inappropriate guy - oye - he was inappropriate - but we won't get into that. Met him at a bar (wow - realizing I met them all at bars) but this was a friend introduction. Funny guy we kinda hit it off. We chatted online pretty much daily. BUT he never asked me out! I finally gave up!

Actually with IG - I confronted him - turns out he has some issues and wanted to get to know me first - online. Isn't that what dating is for???? To get to know me?

Lastly - comic book guy. Again - met him at a bar through a friend. Very nice guy - talked online and on the phone on a regular basis. BUT he never asked me out! I finally gave up!

So what is it? I mean - it very well could be "he's just not that into me" - I did see the movie. Or are guys in 2009 just waiting for us to make the first move????

Any thoughts?

Honesty IS the best policy

Had a date yesterday with "farmer" - every guy I interact with gets a nickname. My BFF (a guy actually) can't remember names so I have to give them nicknames...we've had camaro, farmer, GED, 2nd shift, construction guy, inappropriate guy, quiet guy, comic book guy, fanny pack, etc... It's a long list...

Anyway - had a date with "farmer" and while extremely nice and sweet - he just wasn't for me. He's 44 and he's all of 44. I'm 35 and feel/act 28. He had the combover and some other things that just weren't for me. His kids are in high school. Etc...

But - he'd brought me flowers, been completely appropriate, paid for the date, etc... all very good qualities.

So - how to dump him? I decided to be honest...why?

Let me go back briefly and tell you about GED. We had one date - went great. We spoke a few times - went great. Made plans for a 2nd date - great! Then the night before he emails and tells me he can't go out because his roommate can't pay his 1/2 of the rent so he's broke for a while. I email him back and say I'll pay for the movie (I make 3X what he makes) or we can do something that is free. He says "thanks but..." Now that's clearly a blow off - for some reason - he changed his mind.

So why not just freakin tell me that?

That said - I decided to be honest with farmer. I told him that he was very sweet and nice but we were at different places in our lives and he was a bit too old for me at this point.

And...how would farmer take it?

GREAT! He said he understood and figured as much. He then said if I know any women older than me to feel free to send them his way and that he'd do the same.

WOW - you mean - two adults could be honest and it would work out okay?!

That made my day...well that and the video of the lady on Britain's Got Talent!

Let's talk about dating baby...

So dating in 2009...it sucks. Whether you're new to the game or a vet like me...it's not easy. Also - there are two "posters" to this world. Some will be from a boy, some from a girl. Let's start with me - the unnamed girl.

Let's get the ball rolling by going through the rolodex of past dates...good and bad. More bad than good since that's the way the scales tip.

Time travel back to December 2007. So I met a guy on PlentyofFish.com. He was a drummer in a band and owned his own business. Sounds great?!

Well - we decided to go the independent movie theater and meet up at the burrito place for a quick pre-movie bite.

When I arrived, he was seated (this is key to the story). We started chatting. He was a bit geekier than his pics led on to be...but he was nice.

I knew it was going down...the band was a polka band and the business is a self-owned computer programming business. But I forge ahead!

A few minutes of chit chat and then we decided to go up and order. There it was...

Yup...a freakin fanny pack. Dude was wearing a fanny pack - on a date! Now the white button down shirt with no under shirt, light colored jeans with white sneakers and nerd factor were all bad things but I could handle them. But a FREAKIN FANNY PACK?!!!!

As the joke goes, even the guy stirring the rice at the counter looked at me and his eyes said it all, "Wow - at least I'm not with fanny pack."

After the laughter stops, the biggest question I get is "what was in it?". I'm guessing money and keys...but I didn't ask or look.

Needless to say, we didn't go on a second date. He didn't even walk me to my car and this neighborhood isn't great! The twat!

Yeah - I said it - I called Fanny Pack a twat.

More craptastic date stories to come!